merylstebel:

Pocket cat!

Grandma: Piercings are UGLY!

Mom: Than why do you have your ears pierced?!

Grandma: Because its a FAD like you assholes!

Mom:(cracks up laughing)

When I mailed the fafsa envelope it cost $6.66. When I got back in the van, Running with the Devil by Van Halen was playing on the radio. What does this all mean?

Me: hows the new car?

Dad: its great! just like me, mysterious and black.

DAD

Hey, where you at girl?

ME

Hey homeboy. I be at the store fo shizzle!

DAD

Yu want me to slide on by in my Escalade an’ we could go to my crib?

ME

nah brah, it’s my home diggity dawg’s burfday. wez be eatin cake soon, stop on by.

DAD

O, yu know I will!

ME

aiight. check you later brah

DAD

Fo’ shiZ

Mama: I found baby Jesus in my pocketbook!!! Yeah!

Mom: THAT AMBER IS SUCH A BRAT!!

Me: Mom, stop watching that show.

Mom: ive been watching all day. I am a teen mom expert now.

Mom: I’m outside 

Mom: Is everything ok. U sound upset 

Me: No i’m fine..where would you come up with that conclusion im not even with you?

Mom: I can read your mind you are always a part of me

Me: ew mom now your just being weird

Mom: WHAT??????? 

2 mins later…

Mom: Hey What’s up

bundle up when u go out because it is so cold out and otherwise ur fingers or toes can freez and turn blue love u have a goodnight

MOM: HEY SWEETIE HOW IS SCHOOL?

ME: it was fine and why are you shouting?

MOM: I WANTED TO GET YOUR ATTENTION!